Being a lazy Sack-Saturdays : Film Review

Film Review: Cadillac Records(2008)
Grade 8/10

Not having TV for the last 5 or 6 years is a beautiful thing. It allows me to be more productive, like.....stay on the internet all day. Really though, I hate TV with a passion. Nine times out of ten there is never anything on and even when you do surf through those zillions of digital cable channels the thing you end up watching really isn't THAT good. Its usually just a result of saying to yourself 'well its the best thing I could find'.
Well, recently I've been staying with family in the midwest, Chicago to be exact and they have every channel you could possibly (n)ever ask for. Its strange falling asleep to trivial television bullshit TV again.
While I was attempting to stare at the back of my eyelids I surfed over to a channel showing Cadillac Records (2008) with Adrien Brody and Beyonce. My Father had told me how good it was and we usually have pretty similar taste in films (minus the horror and torture porn films). Naturally I was interested in seeing it.
Another reason he was flappin' his gums about the film was because he felt some close ties to the subject matter. The film is about the start of Chess Records and the dynasty of great soul, rock, and blues Mr.Chess managed to create with all the artists. It primarily focuses around Muddy Waters, Chuck Berry, Little Walter and Etta James. It is also the story of Willie Dixon's relationship to the Chess legend as a songwriter. This is mainly why my Dad wanted to see it as he had toured with Dixon and even Little Walter through the US in the late 60's as a bass player for they're band.
I've always had an appreciation for Blues and Jazz but never really knew the hard, grueling and dirty history that went behind it bringing rock and roll into fruition.

Well this film really answers all those questions. If your even remotely interested in how rock and roll came started. My Father said it was an extremely accurate depiction of how it all happened with everything from whores, hard drugs, racism, song stealing, but most of all passion.
All performances were excellent including Beyonce who passes as not only a great singer emulating Etta James, but a great actress as well. Wow, what a great film. I loved every second of it. The end is a little over dramatic as most biographical music documentary-esque films are, but I'll let it slide because everything before it is so convincing and awesome. It was a pleasant surprise to see Mos Def in the film as Chuck Berry. But damn, the film really makes you realize how deliberately obvious white musicians including Beach Boys, Led Zepplin, and Rolling Stones ripped Waters and other artists at Chess off. Adrien Brody is good as always, but really made me think twice about his recent unusual choice to do sci-fi films. Stick with these films Brody, oh and more WW2 pieces please, like the Pianist(2002). That film kicked ass.

One thing is for sure, I'm definitely gonna have to download me some Chess records soon.

-Emperor Vampirion

Evil CD Reviews: Pathology

Pathology-Legacy of the Ancients
Grade: 8/10

One of my favorite things about California is it's metal scene. Within the last few years we've been blessed with slews of great metal comming out. In particular death metal. Bands like Cattle Decapitation, Disgorge, Ghoul, Impaled, Phobia etc are among this ever growing roster. Hailing from the sunny un-frostbitten lands of San Diego California, Pathology will rip your face off!

It wasn't until recently that I was introduced to death metal's rising stars, Pathology. These dudes don't mess around. Theres no cheesy solos, no fancy interludes or overall themes. This is straight forward brutal gore death metal in vein of Haemmorage, Devourment, and maybe even some Deeds of Flesh. Its intensity is magnified by David Astor's drumming (Cattle Decapitation, Locust) and Matti Way's guttural onslaught of vocals(Disgorge, Cinerary). I was pleasantly surprised to find I actually went to high school with the guitarist. You shred Tim! I remember him being into metal but damn, this shit is so good. I'm happy for all of them of there recent signing to Victory Records. The label wasn't originally a metal label, but within the past few years they've been signing more metal-like bands that have always been (at least in my opinion) pretty sub par. Well not anymore.

I think they are making the right decision with signing a band like Pathology. A label that distributes as well as they do might just put 'real metal' in the hands of some hardcore kids or dudes that get there mom to buy em' cds at Hot Topic.

I've always been a fan of the gore/brutal death genre and I knew reading on www.blabbermouth.net a few months ago that the recent addition of brutal death metal vocalist veteran Matti Way, I instantly needed to check this out. His work in Cinerary and Disgorge were among some of the most intense vocals death metal has heard. He delivers a pretty flawless performance on this release, particularly on 'Code Injection' and 'Blood Runs'. There is numerous metalheads in the scene that claim that the sub genre of brutal death metal is just trying its hardest to emulate bands like Carcass and Cannibal Corpse. I say fuck that. Of course influences can be heard when listening to new metal bands. But it is no different than any genre. You really think we can't hear any Celtic Frost or Bathory in Dark Throne or Emperor? We can't expect all bands to come up with something as innovative as Morbid Angel in their early days or Death in theirs. So lighten up a bit and stop taking metal so seriously, its just music.



I apologize for the rant. Back to the album review. While I might not enjoy this one as much as Surgically Hacked (I liked the grittiness, and of course the album cover!) I am excited and thrilled to have downloaded the album. Let the haters hate, but you got a fan here! Great job guys, keep up the good work.
-Emperor Vampirion

Being a lazy Sack-Saturdays

Flight of the Conchords Season 1 and 2
(Flute of the Commadores)

Man, I can't get enough of these Kiwi's. I really hope they are signed up for a third season. Although I have to say by the end of the second season of Flight of the Conchords was getting a little stale. The actual plots of many of the episodes was great, I just felt the new songs didn't seem as cleverly querky and funny as the first season. Needless to say I still loved season 2.

I am happy to see Jermaine Clement taking on much more full length film roles with Eagle Vs. Shark(2007) and the much anticipated remake of Dinner For Shmucks(2010). What is Brett (Brit?) doing with his career? Seeing the two of them in Tim and Eric Awesome Show was a pleasant surprise.
Heres one of my personal favorite ballads.

I'd also like to stop hearing the comparison of Tenacious D to Flight of the Conchords. Sure maybe the show owes some of its debt to the D, but lets face it the Conchords took the D's formula and polished it to perfection and put there own Kiwi twist on it. I love Jack Black and all of the Tenacious D episodes (and even the full length film) but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Brett and Jermaine have really spawned something better than the D with FOTC.

Although the show is ultimately written by the two of them, I believe it is really Murray Hewitt's performance (the band manager) that really takes the cake. I haven't seen someone with such good comedic timing since shit I don't know....a long damn time. Perhaps its just his New Zealandness that throws me off and makes it funnier?

Here is the best of Murray season 2


Oh, and we must not forget Flight of the Conchords all time best (and only) fan Mel. The worlds best stalker.

Enjoy your Saturdays people.
-Emperor Vampirion

ROCK AND ROLL RIBS!

Holy shit. Drummer from Iron Maiden, Nicko McBrain has opened a rib store in Florida. If the food is anywhere near as good as Iron Maiden then its gotta be some damn orgasmic food! Its a good thing I have family in Florida.
-Emperor Vampirion

WTF Wednesdays

Real life catch me if you can!

http://cbs5.com/national/Bahamas.police.teen.2.1798373.html

In true life fashion this wiley 19 year old has done something that many life long veteran criminals cant. To evade the police of many different states for two years. In doing so the "barefoot bandit" Colton Harris-Moore managed to steal several cars, boats and 5 airplanes and lead a manhunt all across the continent until finally captured in the Bahamas two weeks ago. All during his time on the run the "Barefoot Bandit" gained fame and thousands of fans who loved his ability to evade authorities. You'd think that even at the end of this whole ordeal the police offers who spent their time chasing this kid would have to deep down have a little respect for someone with such an amazing ability to stay on the run from Washington State all the way to the Bahamas.

- Gordon Gekkoh

"Here kewllll offf"

We Love You Arnold.

A Half Assed Film Review

You Don't Know Jack (2010)
Grade: B+

Alright, so I sat down earlier today to watch HBO's new film You Don't Know Jack (2010) starring Al Pacino, John Goodmann, and Susan Serandon. It is essentially about Dr. Kevorkian's story, or as most of us know him as "Dr. Death". Needless to say the film deals with some pretty heavy subject matter pertaining to assisting suicide, religion, medical practice, etc.

Initially I was going to a detailed review on the film.....but then I thought about it......and decided "nah screw that". The film stirs up to much emotions that impend on me expressing how I really feel about the matter...and that would be a little to much of an unbiased film review. I will say that it was good and people should see it. Pacino is good as always. More so Serandon was amazing, but I couldn't help but think of one thing.....

how hot Susan Serandon's daughter is.
She isn't in the movie, but it sparked my mind to remember my gratitude for such a good lookin' girl.

Lets just stick with talking about her rather than any sort of analytic review of the film. Its much funner, and she is extremely easy on the eyes. Serandon's daughters name is Eva Amurri. Daughter from a different Father? I don't get it, and I don't care. I remember seeing for the first time in the religious spoof comedy Saved(2004) with Maculli Culcan and Mandy Moore as the loner, rebel, goth chick. I always thought she was pretty smokin'. She struck me as kinda zoinky (zoinky-strangely attractive)...here is her then in 04'

Shes pretty alright here....more the kind of the weird cute girl next door or something. Well It had been a while since I've seen her since that film so I 'googled' her to see what shes up to now. And all I can say is WOW, she really grew up....in a big way!

Here are some more for good measure....
So I'd just like to take the time to personally thank Susan Serandon for a smokin daughter. Oh, and she totally posed as a topless stripper in an episode of Californication!

Eva Amurri - Californication HDTV 720P - The most amazing home videos are here

-Emperor Vampirion

Mixtape Mondays!

In the hip-hop world these days its hard to gain hype simply off albums. With the internet being the number one tool to get your name out there the mix-tape game has taken over. Most of em are horrible, some decent but very rarely we hear one that comes completely solid. This is one of em. Mistah FAB has established himself as a top dog in the Bay rap scene. Coming up from North Oakland as a battle rapper hes transformed in to a leader in the scene. Some might say hes even making more noise than the usual Oakland names like Keak Da Sneak or Richie Rich who have been unusually silent lately. Moving on slowly from the now-extinct hyphy movement he has littered the scene with his life story through mixtapes. This being my favorite. He spits about numerous topics ranging from his childhood to how his career became what it is. Bringing in the company of Snoop Dogg, Messy Marv and Yah Boy with appearances and the beats of DJ Racks this one is for sure a banger for the car. Quality tracks being "Aint Trying to Hear It", "Been a While" and "Crack Baby Anthem".

for the free download click on the link below.

http://www.mixtapetorrent.com/dj-racks-mistah-fab-i-am-the-bridge

- Gordon Gekkoh

WTF Wednesdays

History teacher/Japanese porn star Anri Suzuki is truly one of a kind. She has a doctorate in Sino-Japanese relations and wants to do her part to help deliver reparations to her Chinese students to make up for atrocities committed by the Japanese military in World War Two. How so you ask? Well by having sex with them of course. "I want to cure the wounds of China with my body, and I offer to do this by having sex with Chinese students in Japan". Now we all know (well most of us) how gnarly Japanese porn stars can be. But even this is pretty unheard of. Last I checked the Japanese did some pretty bad things to the United States during the war. A visit to some American schools might have to be her next move?

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/831224-teacher-wants-sex-with-students-to-say-sorry-for-japanese-invasion

- Gordon Gekkoh

Mixtape Mondays!

For many of us city folk its sometimes hard to understand how hard it really is to come out of the central valley of California. Fresno to be exact. Rarely does the hip-hop world ever look in that direction. But slowly but surely Fashawn has risen through the ranks of the underground hip-hop community. Getting put on by fellow Fresno rapper Planet Asia in 2006 following the release of his debut mixtape "Grizzly City" when he was only 18 years old Fashawn has never failed to get noticed by others and once he started going on tour he has never looked back. Hitting the road with such well established artists like Ghostface Killah, Evidence, Mistah FAB and the Grouch the dude has brought with him much of his past which unlike most includes skateboarding. Which he has described (along with hip-hop) as his own way of escaping the streets. Never failing to represent the "F" as he calls it he delivers with sharp rhymes and flawless originality. Very different from the stuff im used to hearing.

This mixtape is his own personal tribute to Nas' album illmatic along with the help of DJ Green Lantern. Taking the beats of all the classic tracks from this hall-of-fame album and spitting like a veteran at the age of 22 i have no doubt that Fashawn has no where to go but up. Especially check his versions of "Represent", "One Time for Your Mind" and "It Aint Hard to Tell".

mixtape can be downloaded for free at MixTapeTorrent.com

- Gordon Gekkoh

Shithead Saturdays

Should be Spankwire Saturdays... What the fuck is submarine?




Gavo Shithead

New Movies: (FUCKINnnnnnn) Predators

So I might not have a television and could be regarded as living in the stone age but shit....when big movies, especially the blockbusters, I usually know about it somehow.

Surprisingly I haven't heard jack shiz about the new Predators film. It was only by seeing another fellow facebookers post about Predators comming out that I heard the surprising news of the film.

Needless to say, I was excited. Being a longtime Predator and Alien fan anything that has to do with either of them usually excites me. I was the weird kid playing Alien and Predator on the playground while the other kids were playing with GI Joes. Hah! However like most people I was a little dissapointed with the Alien VS Predator franchise. It had some real potential. Instead of following the lovely comics put out for many years before the films were made...they chose to go an entirely different route. A fucking PG13 route, give me a break. Keep Predators 'R' ! The second film has its moments when we saw it return to a more ALIENS-esque straight gore film. Hell I even liked Predator 2 (which I know is blasphemy to most Predator fans).

Anyway back to the subject at hand. Predators, I am excited and I will tell you why. Robert Rodriguez wrote it. He also produced it. Although he didn't direct the film (some dude named Nimrod directed it. Thats a tough gig), I've been doing my homework on what Rodriguez is trying to achieve with this film. First and foremost I like how Rodriguez openly admitted that there will never be a Predator better than Shwarzenegger's original Predator story. So as a result, he knew that the best thing to do was work backwords. In other words, do an origins story.

Rodriguez films can be hit or miss for me personally. Loved Desperado, hated Planet Terror. Loved the first half of Dusk Til Dawn, hated the second half...and so on. I think with this film hes got his head on straight though. It sounds like hes like one of us, a Predator fan. Apparently he also wrote the most extravagant gore, action, crazy scenario screenplay for the film because at the time he was just keeping himself busy, obligated to write a script for the film company before he had to direct some other film after Desperado.

Long story short, hes right....there will never be a better Predator then the first one. But knowing that before you walk into the theater I think is something everyone should take as caution before seeing a sequel, or prequel I should say.
Seeing it tomorrow hopefully, crossin my fingers. Don't blow this one Rodriguez.


The redband trailer looks for some real fun, Predator fan or not. Lets just hope its nothing like Spy Kids.
All Murder, All Guts, All Fun.
-Emperor Vampirion

Wtf Wednesdays

http://cbs5.com/local/bay.to.breakers.2.1791611.html

Now okay... even i can agree that the city becomes quite the disaster every year around late May thanks to the annual Bay to Breakers street race. But completely banning alcohol will cause the race to NEVER be the same. Will the race be less fun? yes. Will property owners be happier knowing that they wont have to yell at people to stop pissing on their doorstep? yes. Its a tough call but i say keep the race the way it is. High pressure water hoses can solve all our problems here. Who's to say how the crowd will react to this ban for next years 100th Bay to Breakers.

Badass Graphic Design

http://www.mergevisual.com

This our boy Matt's graphic design website Merge Visual. Based out of Southern California hes got the style, the know-how, and the creative genius to answer all your graphic design needs! Hit him up. Steezy as hell, streets on lock. My favorite artist!!!
-Emperor Vampirion

Tattoo Shop Review: Berkeley

Industrial Tattoo
2434 Dwight Way
Berkeley, CA 94704-2311
(510) 644-0968

Yo dudeski's just thought I'd share with you one of my favorite shops in East Bay! While I haven't been to many other tattoo shops here in East Bay, I have definitely browsed artists work on their websites. When I first moved here I checked out allot of tattoo shops in the area and tried to do my best at pickin a spot I thought would be quality at the same time not too overly priced. Sure some of the best tattoo artists are up here in the bay but most of em' charge an arm and a leg for it, not to mention you gotta sign up for a long ass waiting list.

F that S, I wanted something simple and brutal. So cruised into Industrial told em' what I wanted and made an appointment for some dude only a week from when I went in. When the day came I was all ready to get tattooed, to my surprise the guy apparently "quit" that day. They reassured me it was going to be fine and they'd have some other guy tattoo me if I came in and told him what I wanted. I was a little skeptical, but really had the itch to get tattooed, so I said 'fuck it'.

When I went in they kindly pointed me to the guy who was going to tattoo me. He asked what I wanted and I just basically told him I wanted something evil and metal. At that point I was sort of regretting just going in and letting some artist I didn't even pick out to do something that would be on me for life! Thankfully he came back with a drawing and I was super impressed. He said to me, "it might be cooler if it was more evil, what do you think?"...to which I replied, "yeah dude, the more evil the better". End result....
I liked it! I've gone back for a few other things. I've looked through all the artists portfolios in the shop and I really like everything they do. Its reasonably priced too, which is always a plus.
Highly suggest them. Metal!
-Emperor Vampirion

Evil CD Reviews: Black Metal

Watain-Lawless Darkness
Grade: 7.5 out of 10

Watain is a weird thing for me. I first heard about them years ago when Casus Luceri came out and like most Swedish Black Metal acts.....I was pretty uninterested. Its not that Sweden doesn't have some great BM bands, they do. Dark Funeral, Lord Belial, Marduk, Funeral Mist, etc. I suppose the timing just wasn't right or something. When it came out I was under the impression that BM had been a dying art with the slew of bands just rehashing the classic Norwegian second wave of black metal.

Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. A few months ago I was at my frequent bar, when the bartender suggested to me "you should really hear Sworn to the Dark", To which I immediately downloaded after I came home. I couldn't more thrilled I downloaded it! It reminded me of Marduk meets Dissection.

I was quite excited to hear their latest effort. While it isn't as good as Sworn to the Dark, it still has its moments. Reaping Death and Wolves Curse are among my favorites. This album really has a Dissection sound and and atmospheric feel to it, which comes as no surprise to find out that one of the members was in Dissection briefly. They seem to really capitalize on the simplicity of Black Metal's essence but fuse it with an almost Iron Maiden melodic feel as well. Its allot of fun to listen old Mayhem or Burzum and remember when BM still had its magical infancy. Not that I was necessarily a part of it, although I wish it was. None the less listening to BM in higschool with friends and getting into trouble was something I'll never forget. And listening to Watain brings me back to that time regardless of how new to the scene they are.

Judging by interviews from the band and their live show antics, these guys take this shit seriously. Although the BM persona can be comical, a little over baring, and even annoying at times.....these guys don't mess around. And I like it, and believe them. For F's sake, the lead singer taken a shower in almost 4 years, thats dedication!


All in all, albums like this one and the abundance of new creative and refreshing Black Metal bands from all over is inspiring and makes me tingle inside. As a result I have faith in the genre again and really enjoy putting an album like this one on to invoke mans deepest desire for evil!

-Emperor Vampirion

Gore flicks: Torture Porn

Hostel:Part 2 Movie Review
Grade: C

Hey guys, hope everyone is having a good fourth of July. I ain't doin shit but catchin up on some horror films I bought recently. The first one I decided to watch was Hostel: Part 2. To be honest I had heard it was "better then the first one". Rarely are there sequels that top the originals, but hey....I wanted to reserve judgement until I'd seen it, instead of just completely writing it off. I was also kinda worried that Hostel was now going to become similar to the Saw franchise that just went to utter shit after the second film.

So I popped in the film, grabbed a beer, patted the couch for my dog to sit next to me and got myself ready to be the non passive viewer that we all come to expect when seeing horror films. I didn't have much hope for the film to be honest, and it was a good thing too.

This movie was a farcry from the first film. I felt like the original was good because the plot was actually somewhat plausible. Friends traveling together, get caught up in the mix, and end up in their worst nightmare. The first film built up that suspense so well with the semi-in depth character backgrounds and what not. This film gave no insight to our women, (nor did it have those beautiful european chicks from the last one!!! jesus those girls were hot)
Similarly, the first film tended to get down to it with the violence. This film was far from how violent the original was, and it left me pretty pissed. This is afterall a torture porn film isn't it?
I was mad because I really didn't care about how part 2 focused on the sadistik millionaires. It had potential to become a cool plot device but just....didn't work.

Even the ending was pretty fuckin weak. Are we really suppose to believe that she was allowed to buy herself out? Cmon Eli, you could of been a little more creative then that. The final girls revenge against the Slavakian chick even sucked....just a mere decapitation? Why not string her up gut her, light her on fire, and THEN cut her head off. That would be a little more suitable given that the woman sold you off to have wackjobs get off to torturing you. Shit, thats what I woulda done anyway.

The most gruesome scene in the film is when our final girl cuts off the dudes penis. Which is precisely how I felt after the film was over. castrated!!!
Stick to being the Bear Jew Eli.
-Emperor Vampirion

Coffee and Anger!

fuck what ya heard!