Coffee And Anger.

Lars von Trier, women, and chainsaws

2010-12-16T23:07:00.000-08:00

Below is an essay I wrote for an Auteur Theory class on Lars von Trier at UC Berkeley.
It discusses his the various elements that go into creating spectator identification through the brutalization of female characters. Mainly, it focuses on his latest film AntiChrist (2009) and how it is similar as well as departs from his traditional female roles in his other films.
Enjoy!

Lars von Tirer, women, and chainsaws

Lars Von Trier has a reputation to have the women in his films imbue a sense of purity, and frailty that creates a sympathetic identification with spectators. Our emotions are set up for the spectator to feel the women’s pain, and in this case grief, as brutal trials and horrific acts are performed against them. However Charlotte Gainsbourg’s character in AntiChrist (2009) complicates his traditional female relationship to spectators as we not only identify with her, but we also watch her slowly descend into a violent psychotic rage confusing our once established identification with her. Trier calls upon spectator emotions of the unique characteristics found in the horror genre by constructing extreme depictions of fear, anxiety, and gratuitous violence. Gainsbourg’s role in AntiChrist is different from the women in his other films because although we think we are being placed to empathize with her victimhood we slowly discover her villain like qualities. The fusion of the horror genre and Trier’s long established motif of melodramatic sympathetic females creates a dilemma in the our relationship to Gainsbourg thus producing extreme visceral responses in spectatorship by the end.

The opening of the film sets a melancholic and eerie tone for the entire movie. Trier begins it with a shotgun blast of emotion to spectators rather than a subtle blow. We see Gainsbourg and Defoe intimately having sex in a striking slowed down 12 frames per second before seeing their helpless infant fall to his death. Rather than gradually developing a feeling of sympathy toward for Gainsbourg, like we saw with Bess in Breaking the Waves (1996) and Selma in Dancer in the Dark (2000) Trier cuts to the chase by forcing us to immediately identify with the couple. Using the premise “there is no greater loss then the loss of a child”, we have no choice but to feel for them. Gainsbourg’s eyes have a look of an orgasmic release as the child slips from the ledge. It is as if Trier wants to confuse audiences with extreme depictions of pleasure and pain. While the baby falls we can’t help but feel terrible before being forced to cut to the couple enjoying their intimacy. As spectators we are helpless in being able to intervene just as the couple seems to be oblivious to the world around them. The juxtaposition is meant to invoke a simultaneous range of emotions in the spectator. He sets up a universal identification with her in a way that you won’t be conflicted to feel anything but utter sorrow and compassion for ‘her’.

Defoe treats her as his own patient, a reoccurring motif from the Europa trilogy, and attempts to help her cope through her pain. Rather than avoiding her pain he suggests that she face it. This is ultimately his downfall. It is incredibly unethical in the medical profession to treat someone close to you because it is difficult to review the subject objectively. For victims of trauma things that are associated with the event can trigger intense emotions and impulsive behavior as a result of shock. This trauma is a method for Trier to incorporate his horror film like aesthetic. Unless someone is knowledgeable about the ethics of therapy one wouldn’t necessarily question Defoes role of helping his wife. Instead, just as my initial reaction was, it seems Trier wanted to have people fooled into thinking he was doing her good by treating her. We are constructed to feel an affinity for him at first. It appears that he has grieved and moved on but as we later find out it is through his therapy that he channels his grief. For her the only thing that seems to be remotely helpful for her anxiety is sex. It now becomes a temporary relief which progressively seems to become more destructive. Gainsbourg comes to resemble the ‘Madonna and the whore’ complex. Women in society are stereotypically given two roles to fill; the Madonna (sexless, selfless and God fearing) or a whore (sexual selfish). To be the Madonna, there is heavy guilt for selfish and sexual impulses at the expense of being virtuous. The Whore role shows the woman feeling oppressed and stigmatized through her impulses. Women are also guilty of participating these gender dynamics and can be their worst oppressors, as I feel ‘hers’ was in AntiChrist. She punishes herself by embracing her ‘evil’ in thinking she is no longer worthy of motherhood. We also struggle with her grief as spectators as it becomes harder to identify with her through her primal aggressive behavior. Through the first half of the film we see a reminiscent mode of melodrama Trier has been accustom to creating in the Goldenheart trilogy before switching to a style more evocative of the horror genre.

As early as Breaking the Waves, he wrote and directed films that showed the frailty of the human condition through women in different film genres. Waves is set up like a melodrama and it is through Bess that we are shown her exceptionally ‘good’ qualities through her utter devotion to her husband and God. Spectators are put in a position to love and empathize with her as life perpetually gets more rigorous. We get a similar female identification in his more documentary style film The Idiots (1998) where we are also made to feel passion for Karen who seems to be the only rational thinker out of the group. By the end our perspective of her is conflicted when we find out her reasons for spassing were a form of escapism because of terrible events from her past. Selma from Dancer In the Dark, is most emblematic for a disruption of spectatorship and a sudden change through chance. Throughout the Goldenheart trilogy it becomes virtually impossible to feel nothing for these women through they’re hardships and the universal emotions he constructs for us to feel. All of these roles through the Goldenheart trilogy show a progressive decline for the women. However the women do not break out of this mode of a pathetic character nor do they unsuspectingly break from it to alter their outcome until Dogeville (2003). Although separate from the trilogy, Dogeville (2003) seems to have the only female character that is similar to Gainsbourg in Antichrist. Grace follows a similar melodramatic mode of a submissive and weak to the point of rape and slavery. However unlike Selma, Karen, and Bess, Grace ultimately gets her revenge on the people who have wronged her to such extremes that we are positioned to feel happy through her brutal vindication. According to Bainbridge’s Authenticity and Artifice all of these films remain similar on the basis of self sacrifice claiming, “each film examines martyrdom implicit in pursuing an ideal of goodness to its extreme”. (pg.136) However what separates Grace from the rest of the trilogy is by the end it is less interested in making spectators feel sad but instead give a sense of retribution for her with an uneasy guilty pleasure for viewers. Gainsbourg is at odds with this idea because it becomes more difficult to place our emotions in her as the film progresses and through her cruelty and delusional behavior.

Women’s roles in horror films often use this model of a succession of terrible acts that lead to a reprisal for them by the end. The idea of the ‘Final Girl’, coined by Carol Clover in Men Women and Chainsaws, embodies this idea saying “Every narrative and cinematic device is deployed to draw us into her perceptions-her pain and humiliation,” and later “her grim satisfaction when she annihilates her assailant.”(pg152) This is clearly reminiscent of Grace, but is not so easily applied to Gainsbourg. Although we are made to reconcile the bad things that have happened to her justifying her actions for ourselves because of the severity of her humiliation and dehumanization, she gradually becomes more psychotic and begins resemble a villain we’d expect to see in a horror film through her rage. It also complicates this idea because she ultimately dies (or sacrificed) and does not killer her ‘assailant’ Defoe. Similarly a growing distrust of her and the director begins to permeate due to rapid directions we seem to follow her in. Clover claims “the gravity of these films lies more in the reaction (the revenge) than the act of (rape).”(pg154) Perhaps Trier wanted to create a reversal, where spectators are meant to identify with ‘her’ revenge through brutally mutilating/castrating her ‘assailants’ genitals (Defoe), and becoming a martyr through her clitoral mutilations and death. Suddenly motifs from the horror genre such as intense dream states, unnerving diegetic/non-diegetic sounds, and a drab atmospheric tone take AntiChrist into uncharted territory.

In Alison Pierses’s article The Impossibility of Vision, she discusses Carl Dreyer’s technique of creating unease claiming, “The film as a whole has a decidedly uncanny and surreal air, where reality and the supernatural collide in a dream-like state.”(pg.167) Trier constructs a similar atmosphere of a struggle between rational and unexplainable. For example in Dreyer’s Vampyr (1932) we do not get any explanation for the noises outside that our protagonist hears. For AntiChrist, nature starts to embody this irrational character of its own. Through strange cut aways and suggestive dialogue spectators are led to believe that nature is somehow going jump out and affect the outcome. Creating tension through the irrational and unexplainable is just a couple of the many ways in which horror films tend to generate suspense. There is also use of unexplainable off screen sound that adds to this idea of ‘the fantastic’ and also adds another layer of instilling fear of nature. Just as Gainsbourg feels vulnerable in the woods, we tend to feel vulnerable as viewers due to the irrational and mysterious sounds. At one point she recalls a time before her child’s death where she was deep in study at Eden to be unexpectedly awakened to hear crying. As she looks about through the forest she eventually finds her child in the tool shed playing while a baby continues to moan. This disturbing portrayal of an eerie use of sound creates a sense of distraught and distrust of what we see on screen to what we hear because we cannot match its source.

Although violence in Trier’s films isn’t uncommon, perhaps the most important way he borrows from the horror genre is through combining mutilation, perversity, and brutality. Suddenly the film uses its built up anxieties to change what we thought was originally the outside force of evil in the woods and creates the villain as Gainsbourg. We see her in an erratic and impulsive way knock Defoe onto the ground before fondling him. All our previous emotions invested in her are confronted with the polar opposite emotion of discomfort and distrust through her actions. Her sickness has reached its peak when she buries him alive only to then later show her with a look of regret by her uncontrollable rage. She feels so victimized by the cruel hands of fate and her husband that she sacrifices her thought to be cause of impulses by cutting off her clitoris. Her ridicule and humiliation from all the forces against her enables an even more visceral disturbing response then his other films through repulsive representations of castration.

However by showing the viewer that she recognizes her sickness it leaves a window for one to still feel sympathy for her because this force seems truly uncontrollable. Gainsbourg becomes a martyr for all the terrible events life has invariably thrown at her. Although Defoe appears to be the person who triumphs in the end by putting her out of her misery, it is largely because of him that her grief turned into madness. Regardless of her actions we are still positioned to sympathize with her, which remains consistent through all of Trier’s women. Even after she has been killed her vindication is seen through the unease of Defoe starting his new journey of grief, and the guilt of unwillingly bringing himself to kill. The film as a whole answers the question Trier posed in The Five Obstructions saying, “I have to punish you somehow. How do therapists punish?”. He shows us vivid depictions of violence redolent of the horror film and illustrates her descent from illness to villain while still maintaining previous sentiments spectators had invested prior to her rage. She remains a victim from beginning to end. Just as Gainsbourg went through a wide range of emotions, Trier’s AntiChrist is carefully crafted to have the audience feel them with ‘her’ in an extreme visceral way.

Work Cited Page:

Bainbridge, Caroline. The Cinema of Lars von Trier: Authenticity and Artifice. New York: Wallflower Press 2007.

Clover, Carol. Men, Women, and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1992.

Pierse, Alison. The Impossibility of Vision: Vampirism, Formlessness and horror in Vampyr. University of Hull: Intellect Ltd, 2008.

Von Trier, Antichrist. Dvd /Criterion Collection interviews. Zentropa Entertainment, 2009.

-Emperor Vampirion

An essay about German Weimar Cinema

2010-12-16T23:00:00.000-08:00

Below is an essay I wrote for the History of Silent Film class for UC Berkeley.
It's an essay about anxieties of the German people during the brief Weimar silent film era pre World War 2. Enjoy

Brave New Weimar

Germany’s defeat in World War 1 led the country to go through a series of radical social, political, and economic changes. Much of the male population blamed defeat on non-supporters of the war such as socialists, Jews, women, and homosexuals within the country. A new Weimar government was instituted after the Wilhelm Empire fell which gave more rights to citizens, particularly for women. This coupled with the destabilization of long standing social structures and hierarchies instilled fear in many men and posed threats to masculinity. The short-lived silent film era in Weimar Germany encapsulates these anxieties through underlying ideas and themes. F.W. Murnau depicted vivid portrayals of these worries through different characters and aesthetic techniques. Nosferatu: Symphony of Horror(1922) and The Last Laugh(1924) both addressed a displacement of gender roles in society as threats for modernity in different ways.

Nosferatu has an emphasis on threats to masculinity seen through the relationship of Hutter and his wife Ellen. The film opens with Hutter looking into a mirror grooming himself. This identifies his concern about appearance and symbolically suggests a larger concern for the film as it relates to his status to women and within the community. It then cuts back to a medium shot depicting him as dwarflike and through his flamboyance portrays his role as a man yearning for something he lacks. The mirror also sets a stage for how little Hutter actually sees in the film in relation to his wife. It then cuts to a medium shot of Ellen playing with a kitten in a windowsill. Instead of a dove seen in D.W. Griffith’s Birth of A Nation (1915) to connote an idea of feminine childlike innocence, Murnau uses a kitten as a form of ‘expressive plastic material’ to shape ideas in the spectators mind. The mise’ en scene with pouring light shining down on her face is set up to depict her as angelic embodying all things feminine through her appearance and actions. However the peculiar portrayal of Hutter’s non-traditional male figure compared to Ellen’s stereotypical female qualities sets up a contrast and dilemma immediately between male and female relationships as it relates to Weimar. We then see Hutter showing his dedication to Ellen by giving her flowers and a kiss on the cheek. She accepts but then has an odd look of dissatisfaction. Her portrayal shows a desire in a new kind of masculine figure that could perhaps be linked as a result anxieties in Weimar to the newly appointed status toward women. Richard M. McCormick explains this transformation in Gender and Sexuality in Weimar Modernity claiming, “it [Weimar constitution] also offered German women the promise of complete legal equality for the first time in history”(pg.16) Hutter’s over attentive affection toward her could then be seen as a reaction to compensate for his discontent with equality to firmly re-establish his dominance. He also can be seen as the male searching for his identity and longing for maturity despite leaving his community and wife behind. His excited reaction to leaving for the Carpathians we can approach differently as not simply parting with Ellen but rather a man leaving his once established power to find himself while at the same time unknowingly empowering women with his lack of presence. Through their relationship we can see Hutter’s fear of the once submissive female reversing roles in society to the point where he himself becomes feminized to signify this change. In Sabina Hake’s Who Gets the Last Laugh, she discusses the idea of the feminized man as liberating for women claiming it, “ offered a point of identification for a female audience searching for figures on which to project their own desire for freedom from patriarchal domination”(pg124).

Count Orlock is not just the antagonist of the film but is used as a way to a resemble a conspiracy-like fear of the foreigner and through Ellen’s desire in him to simultaneously represent women’s impulsive sexual desire to aid and welcome the enemy. This shows men’s fear of the dangers of giving women power. She becomes infatuated with Orlock becoming an extreme symbol for women’s lack of values. Richard W. McCormick’s Gender and Sexuality in Weimar Modernity claims, “the city can only be saved by a ‘pure woman’ who will keep Nosferatu at her side until the light of dawn destroys him,”(pg.27). Although it would appear this ‘pure woman’ idea liberates the town from evil through her sacrifice, it also suggests punishment because of her adulteress desire in Orlock. We can then see her as representative of all women as villainous and like most antagonists must be punished, even if it means death. Although clearly being in a trance by Orlock’s spell, her lust exemplifies a fear of women’s inclination to leave their men as a result of this empowering new set of laws set in place by Weimar.

Ellen’s character shows that Orlock represents what Hutter lacks. The vampire’s gargantuan proportions, monstrous features, and dominant demeanor not only separate him vastly from Hutter’s submissive and oblivious nature but also distinguish him as radically ‘different’. His strongly stereotypical anti-semetic appearances and uneasiness shows him as someone who can only viewed as evil. Punishment plays a role in Nosferatu to suggest a struggle of reconciling anxieties about the foreigner and gender roles. For Example, toward the end of the film we see Orlock telepathically control Ellen’s mind forcing her to stare at him through a window. Before she goes to the window she looks at a picture of Hutter. The reaction on her face shows a look of guilt. Despite this she pursues him out of desire. By making it clear to spectators of her acknowledgement of disregard to Hutter it implies women’s uncontrollable urge for devious sexual behavior. Her sexuality can then be deemed as detrimental to the town as well as ultimately destructive to Germany. It then cuts to a long shot of Orlock in a far away window with a death like stare as if dominating and raping as a form of punishment on Ellen. For Murnau sexuality establishes women’s true self as evil. Orlock also represents desire that cannot be concealed through Ellen’s impulses even with his vastly ‘different’ foreignness. Her emotions and curiosity are characteristic of patriarchal norms when depicting female sexuality and are stereotypically played out to make her pay for her actions. As Robin Wood suggests in Burying the Undead, Ellen becomes ”the antagonist and the destroyer”(pg.177). Orlock’s cravings soon change into a search for identity through his lust for Ellen. His only option to relieve himself from torment is to colonize the system. Murnau suggests that the foreigner is more easily able to overthrow German modernity due to women’s unfit ability to handle becoming a stronger woman.

We can also see Murnau depicting threats to masculinity in a different way by emphasizing concern on social mobility in the Last Laugh. Unlike Nosferatu, which used a woman as a device to show insecurities about masculinity, Murnau uses the protagonists uniform to signify these fears. The original German title of the film Der Letze Mann translates to the “the last man”. This clearly shows Murnau wanted to address ideas concerning men’s role in Weimar and through the porter’s alienation he depicts this as symbolic as the last good man in the Wilhelmine Empire in a rapidly changing society. Unlike Hutter, Janning’s has a large body, burly facial hair, and a military like uniform signifying a strong hard working German man. His uniform indicates his status within society, his identity, and his obsession.

Unlike D.W. Griffith who relied heavily on using inter titles to explain the unfolding story, The Last Laugh uses almost entirely images to tell its tale. This allows one to imbue a more personal relationship to the character letting Emil Janning’s expressive acting tell the story. Jannings portrays a doorman, who is prideful of his position and his work. One day the manager passes by, misunderstands what he sees, and decides that the doorman is too old. Later a new doorman appears, and the porter is then reduced to working in the bathroom. The new doorman, who looks much more like Hutter in physique, could be seen as a castrator of the older generation. He is emblematic of the complete disrespect to the old ways of Germany by not only taking his job but also stripping the him of wealth, class, and dignity.

His major loss of identity is revealed when the porter has to give up his beloved jacket. Janning’s unwillingly struggles to let the younger man have it. A medium framed shot encapsulates Janning’s unwillingness to succumb to his demotion as we see him hunched over with glassy eyes as if on the verge of crying. It resembles turning himself over to the enemy, and is through purely imagery depicts uncertainty for his future. Sabina Hake explains these anxieties in Who Gets the Last Laugh claiming, “the porter personifies typical war and postwar experiences from the trauma of political and military defeat,”(pg124). The Treaty of Versailles was also largely disliked at this time because many Germans felt as if they were forced to sign it, verifying blame be given solely to Germany, thus handing itself in and admitting guilt. This scene becomes representative of this idea through his dehumanization after he strenuously resists losing his coat. Janning’s is able to illustrate the psychology of the porter and imbue emotion onto spectators, in a way that is reminiscent of what one might expect in theater through his overly dramatized actions. The event is a state of defeat and abandonment like he’s been stripped of everything rendering him virtually impotent shown in his newly decrepit physique. Janning’s role represents a man who won’t submit to the dominating new class of society. Although he refuses these new ways, he is forced to submit to the inevitable new ways of modernity and Weimar.

He longs for the respect of his neighborhood that showed him gratitude as if being a general in his prestigious uniform. The only way for him to cope with his loss of dignity and pride is by stealing the jacket back in order to keep appearance in his surroundings. Spectators are positioned to think that his community superficially judges him by his occupation alone and becomes symbolized as a new society who ridicules his lack of identity. After the he steals his jacket back he leaves the hotel before reaching a climactic crossroads. He looks behind himself at his once towering sparkly hotel that came to be everything he stood for, before hesitatingly looking forward at an unpredictable future. We are shown a dichotomy risen in Weimar between the old and new and the harsh reality of a man giving into it. Looking on hoping for a brighter future, the winds violently hold him back, as if now static, in a world where he once flourished.

Where Nosferatu uses Ellen’s desires as a catalyst to reflect Hutter’s masculine insecurities, The Last Laugh uses the porters uniform to symbolize a different kind of anxiety about the toll modernity has taken on social mobility. Although both address different modes of exposing Germany’s fears of Weimar, The Last Laugh is much more abrupt in its presentation because of its seamlessness through the use of imagery, camera techniques, and expressive acting. Through Janning’s extremely vivid portrayals and little to no inter titles, it becomes more simplified to understand what Murnau’s symbolic intentions were. For example, after the porter is stripped of his uniform he continues throughout with a hunched, feeble, and frail visual to suggest a crippling of his presence in the world now that his occupation has been replaced. It personifies the idea of an utter lack of manhood and impotence as a result of change. The impotent male figure seen in Nosferatu isn’t as exemplified with Hutter in comparison. His flamboyance and physique resemble a more feminized symbol then that of castration. Murnau’s conflict of old and new is made clear through the vast contrast between the porters’ sympathetic identification constructed for him while the new porters lack of respect depicts an obvious dichotomy of the films larger dilemma between old and new generations. Nosferatu seems to blur lines between what is being conveyed about gender roles in society. Similarly it becomes conflicting when both Hutter and Ellen do not exemplify the most ‘good’ qualities for spectators to identify with. While Hutter’s unmindful absence from Ellen complicates him as the protagonist, it is also through Ellen’s sexual impulses that make her deviate from that role as well. The conflicting protagonist’s roles complicate our identification with both of them allowing little to no trust to be taken with either by the end. Unlike Nosferatu, which largely bases its film around a female character, there are almost no women in the film to suggest any implications of anxieties toward female sexuality and liberation. The film is told through purely images that allow the viewer to assume a degree of the story and use imagination. Janning’s expressions and tormented gestures show us the pain that he feels and inflicts them on the audience invoking anxieties of a much larger undercurrent at play. Nosferatu tells a story through a barrage of inter titles, which guide us and allow little room for one to imagine without getting caught up in the narrative. We also get innovative point of view shots that construct a more sympathetic identification through the protagonist’s humiliation. This never happens in Nosferatu because we are forced to be tied up with the static camera. Murnau and his assistant cinematographer Robert Baberske use the camera in innovative new ways in The Last Laugh, which enable spectators to embody the character through the subjective ‘unchained camera’ thus giving birth for a much less static narrative and an ability to tell more vivid stories through imagery. For example, a shaky camera and its magical movement suggest a point of view and transcend spectators to take the role amidst the porters dream where he performs unbelievable acts. This creates an even more sensational visceral aesthetic because it transcends spectators with the porter and makes one deeply invested in his character feeling as if we are in his world.

Although both films suggest anxieties about modernity, it is ultimately The Last Laugh that is able to coherently address an issue of a threat to masculinity through the simplistic form of the porter’s jacket and symbolically suggest a larger theme of Germany’s social problems in new Weimar. It is through the ‘Cinema of Attractions’ of watching the frailty of the human condition that we identify through the porter’s hopelessness and downfall that make Murnau able to easily address larger issues during this transitional period in Germany. We can then apply the anxieties Murnau depicts in his films to what Sigfried Kracauer claimed in From Caligari to Hitler that, “films are never the product of the individual”(pg.5)

Work Cited Page:

Kracauer, Siegfried. From Caligari To Hitler. Princeton and Oxford. Princeton University Press. 1966

Wood, Robin. Burying the Undead: The Use and Obsolescence of Count Dracula. Mosaic. 1983

Hake, Sabine. Weimar Cinema: Who Gets the Last Laugh?. Columbia University Press. 2008

McCormick, Richard. Gender and Sexuality in Weimar Modernity. Palgrave Macmillan. 2002

Kaes, Anton. Weimar Cinema: The Predicament of Modernity. Oxford/ New York, 2004.

-Emperor Vampirion

team ched

2010-11-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

die in gunFire

-Emperor

dude...

2010-11-08T00:33:00.000-08:00

they will be mine, oh yes.
-Emperor

This shit is really really intense....

2010-10-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

VBS never ceases to amaze me with everything they create.

If someone asked me what site have you frequented the most over the last 5 years I'd probably say
WWW.VBS.TV

No joke. I spend at least an hour or so everyday on it.

They are consistently bringing something new to the realm of documentary and are never afraid to put something out controversial or taboo. Right the fuck on!

I need to see what I can do about maybe interning for em'.

-The Vampyr

2010-10-18T17:36:00.001-07:00

George Meliez-A Trip to the Moon (1902)

Smashing Pumpkins-Tonight, Tonight (1995)

Almost a hundred years later and we still love the classics.
-The Emperor

T and E!!! Merry Crimbus!

2010-10-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

On Jimmy Kimmel! They look a little different...
Part 1

Part 2

to violently vomit..

2010-10-16T23:18:00.001-07:00

this is pretty metal

-The Emperor

Jesus christ

2010-10-07T23:42:00.000-07:00

uhm......

and the remix...

-The Emperor

I feel the breath of winter...

2010-10-05T22:48:00.000-07:00

Winter ist Hier
Getting really excited for my Scandinavia trip in a few months. Here are some fall tunes to invoke the mighty raven dark.
Bathory-Vinterblot

Immortal-Antarctica

Nokturnal Mortum-Return of the Vampire Lord

Misteltein-Darkness Skars my Soul

Carpathian Forest-The Frostbitten Woodlands of Norway

Falkenbach-Winternight

Amon Amarth-The Arrival of a Fimbul Winter

Emperor-Beyond the Vast Great Forest

Cheers
-The Emperor

Give Blood, Save Lives

2010-09-25T01:48:00.000-07:00

Notre Dame- Swedish Horror Metaler's

Halloween is approaching and I've been gearin myself up listening to as much cheesy goth/metal as I can.

Among listening to the obvious Type O Negative, Danzig, Samhain, Cradle of Filth, Black Sabbath (go to Halloween bands I suppose) I resurrected a band I've always loved and have felt quite often that they don't get the appreciation they deserve.

Arguably better than some of the bands I've mentioned, these guys really bring the cheesy pulpyness of early silent/sound horror films to life. I feel like watching an Ed Wood film (Plan 9 From Outer Space!!!!) every time I listen to them. Snowy Shaw multi-musician extrodinaire writes all the songs with a real silly fun kind of attitude yet at the same time the music remains inherantly evil. Taking they're que's from bands I've mentioned as well as the obvious black metal influence surrounding them in Sweden, these guys take you for a ride through hell in a hearse! Shaw formally of Mercyful Fate, King Diamond, Dream Evil, Illwill, and currently doom metaler's Therion (that's a hell of a resume!) hasn't quite made it clear if the band is going to continue. But I sure as hell hope so. What I love about them is they're silly songs and decor are all in good fun, giving off the impression they don't take themselves to seriously....

Anyway if you've heard em' then good job, your ahead of the game. If you haven't....do yourself a favor and get all albums by Notre Dame! If your at all a fan of fun ass kickin' goth metal or even horror films you will not be let down. But if you want just one to feel em' out a bit I'd say go with Le Theatre Du Vampire. That one really kicks out the jams from start to finish. Here's a lil taste to wet your whistle.

Le Theatre Du Vampire

Boufoon Bloody Boufoon

Munsters!

Scarecrows (can't find this on any albums!)

Dracula Sucks!

My Ride Into Afterlyfe

Abbatoir du Noir

Oh yeah forgot to mention, that pretty hot chick in the first picture is also in the band. She goes by the name Vampirella, pretty clever huh?

Alright. Time to go watch Pumpkinhead and pass out.
-Emperor Vampirion

Boring Blogging

2010-09-24T01:45:00.001-07:00

Not the most productive blog post, but here's some musical diarrhea yer boy the Emperor has been into lately.
Incantation-Anoint the Chosen

Cult of Luna-The Watchtower

Bolt Thrower-Cenotaph

Despondency-Rise of the Nemesis

Crystal Castles-Celestica

Mum-Ballad of a Broken Birdie

Rotting Christ-AEALO

Arcade Fire-Suburban War

Agalloch-Falling Snow

Amon Amarth-Last With the Pagan Blood

Immortal-The Sun No Longer Rises

“There is a beast in man that needs to be excersized, not exorcised.”-Lavey
-Emperor Vampirion

Stormblast(1996) VS. Stormblast(2005): Review

2010-09-06T00:38:00.000-07:00

True Kings of Norway?

I figured I'd try and do a somewhat different kind of review this time around. What we have here is simple, what is better....Dimmu Borgir's second release on Cacophonus records way back in 1996, Stormblast. Or the re-recorded version of Stormblast that came out in 2005 on the conglomo-metal label Nuclear Blast Records. I realize that both of these releases aren't exactly current, but I don't care. Whether you think Borgir have became a Cradle clone, or you think they simply went the weird symphonic goth route that many Black Metal bands a few years ago were heading for an extra buck is up to you. But the fact of the matter is the first Borgir's early albums are pretty badass and in particular Stormblast . In my opinion it is this black metal album that should be hanging with Emperor's In the Nightside Eclipse and Dark Throne's Transylvanian Hunger on the walls of Valhalla. It's importance for the Norweigan Black Metal scene cannot be denied. I don't feel this way simply because I think its a badass album, but more so because I feel (at least to my knowledge) there weren't a whole lot of bands showcasing these kinds of extreme cases of melody the way Borgir were doing.

It was 2:00pm on a Friday afternoon, sophmore year of highschool. I knew where I was headed. School was out and I was going to Lou's Records in Solana Beach, San Diego. What I was going to get, I didn't know....take that back...I knew it was going to be Black Metal. End result, I walked out with Borgir's second release. The album I'm reviewing ( the original release). As my friends and I blasted it rollin down the highway I knew it was going to become one of my favorite albums. I guess I'm going to try and put my sentimental feelings towards the original release aside and compare the two objectively as I can, but it will be tough.
Dimmu Borgir-Stormblast (1996)
The original Stormblast is much more rigid and flat sounding than the new one (that is to be expected). Regardless though there is somthing really soothing about it. The tempo is for the most part really mellow throughout the entire album. It rarely speeds up. Tjlodalv, the original drummer of Borgir, doesn't get enough credit for his playing and creating such a specific sound and arguably a sub genre of Black Metal. Maybe its because he joined that shitty band Suspiria years later, who knows. As a friend of mine put it when listening to the album "the kick pedals sound like clown feet". What thats suppose to mean, I really don't know. But I do know that the raw sound of mic-ing the kick pedals works much better than an in your face triggering we so commonly hear now-a-days. *Ahem* We find this over produced crap on some of the newer Borgir releases. I think probably my favorite thing about the original Stormblast is it's pure simplicity. As a result of the low-fi drums we get a chance to hear the beautiful keyboards that accompany the guitars. No technical groundbreaking musicianship here. Instead we hear a more of what we might expect from the spawning of the early second wave Black Metal bands in Norway at the time. Rawness and Evil. Except this time, with keyboards all over the place! I personally love it. Somehow they made it work. Of course it's because of releases like this (more so Enthrone Darkness Triumphant and the signing to Nuclear Blast) that shat out oceans of crappy keyboard metal. Little did many know they'd start to fall into the same crap sub genre/category they helped create. One has to wonder, was it the curse of being on Cacophonus Records? I know Cradle of Filth has been in legal battles with them for over 15 years now regarding the rights to they're first two albums.

I suppose Borgir thought they could just avoid all the lawsuit drama Filth was experiencing and said 'fuck it lets just re-record it'. According to interviews with Shagrath and Silenoz at the time of the re-recording, the band was constantly insisting that the revamped version was being done for themselves and them only. Basically if the fans liked it...cool...if they didn't well then...fuck you. That kind of sucks for us fans. What if we didn't want to hear it re recorded! What if we all thought it was perfect! ~sigh~ I'm getting worked up. They created it. So they can do what they want with it. My initial response to them re-recording it was pretty grim. Especially knowing the consistency of garbage they had been putting out since Spiritual Black Dimensions. At the time I felt the recruiting of fellow symphonic Black Metal Nick Barker(Cradle of Filth) drummer had worn me thin. He brought way to much technicality to the band and detracted at what Borgir was clearly good at, melody. Songs like Blessing's on the Throne of Tyranny on 02's Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia made me confused, thinking I was listening to a shitty ass Morbid Angel/ Cradle of Filth/Marilyn Manson hybrid or something....which sucked.

Dimmu Borgir-Stormblast (2005)
Thankfully they kicked out the gigantic speed demon Nick and replaced him with an anti-semetic Spanish looking Norweigan drummer named Hellhammer. Yes, Hellhammer...from Mayhem. What the hell was going on here? In an interview only a few years prior I recall Hellhammer saying "melody doesn't belong in Black Metal". Yet....he's joining....yeah I was really confused.
I bought the album, I listened to it, and I couldn't believe it. They did a great job replicating the original...almost everything sounded similar. Granted the drumming was sped up quite a bit, but tempo's and riffing was hardly changed. The keyboards were sacrificed here and there to appease more of a double bass or blasting moment. But for the most part, it worked. Songs like Alt Lys Er Svunett Hen really only changed through apparent modern day digital production rather than analogue. Other than that though the arrangements were hardly touched! I couldn't of been happier. Here's an example, you decide....
The Old version.

The new version.

As a result I feel the album SHOULD NOT be lumped in with the latter trash heap Borgir is still excreting out almost yearly now. Although the album doesn't match the original in terms of its straight up authenticity and product of the times, it does a great job reinterpreting what they were supposedly "really going for" on the original release.
All in all, I'd like to just say to Dimmu Borgir, keep making the music for yourselves. Maybe then you'll impress all your fans with an even more of a gargantuan mound of fecal matter than your last one, the Invaluable Darkness. But hey, the kids at hot topic will love it at least.
In the words of Fenriz (Dark Throne) on modern black metal, "everyone likes to dress up".
-Emperor Vampirion

Life sucks...

2010-09-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

I quit. Take me to Juggalo Island.....

Armageddon is on the horizon.

-Emperor Vampirion

Sold your souls...to this Brave New World

2010-09-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

It's a modern day Maiden kind of afternoon.

Ghost of the Navigator

No More Lies

Brighter Than A Thousand Suns

Brave New World

Dance of Death

-Emperor Vampirion

Unleash the Carnivore

2010-09-01T23:46:00.001-07:00

San Francisco, I'll be there. Uber Dwyer Core, Devourment slammin down with tha bro's.

-Emperor Vampirion

Let the killing begin....

2010-09-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

This looks great! Hope this season 5 is going to be better than last years boring ass season. I'm pumped.
-Emperor Vampirion

the 8th wonder of world

2010-08-30T20:43:00.000-07:00

so badass, I want em'.
-Emperor Vampirion

Mother North, Mjöllnir bound

2010-08-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

The best way to invoke Thor on your Sonntag afternoon...

1. Wear your Thor's hammer, ya dingus
2. Drink Vikings blood, a rare mead found at select liquor stores
3. Listen to Nokturnal Mortum's-The Voice of Steel

And there you have it folks. Just 3 easy steps to get the coolest god of Norse mythology to cruise down from Valhalla and take time out of his busy schedule (raping and pillaging) to chill with you and drink mead.
-Emperor Vampirion

Grind Your Fucking Head In...

2010-08-28T02:27:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite grind tunes

Napalm Death-Twist the Knife (slowly)

Nasum-Wrath

Pig Destroyer-Gravedancer

Circle of Dead Children-A Family Tree to Hang From

Carcasss-Corpral Jigsaw Quandry

Hemdale-Overflow

Exhumed-Decrepit Crescendo

Impaled-Operating Theatre

Mortician-Final Bloodbath

Rotten Sound-Burden

Misery Index-The Great Depression

in grind we rust...
-Emperor Vampirion

Ed Hunter Returns

2010-08-25T00:06:00.000-07:00

The new Maiden came out the other day and I am in awe that these dudes can make such consistently good albums time and time again. Actually I take that back, I'm not in awe, nor am I surprised.....it was expected. You can't really expect anything less (in my opinion) from the best band to ever exist.

I've had this discussion with fellow Maiden friends and they usually say something along the lines of "Maiden has albums that are better than others, but none of them suck". I agree completely. For example, for many Number of the Beast is the quintessential Maiden classic. Number of the Beast, 22 Accacia Avenue, Run to the Hills (sigh), and of course the ever so epic Hallowed Be Thy Name. Sure, No Prayer for the Dying doesn't have that special quality that Beast had but it isn't to say that the album sucked by any measure. Holy Smoke is a fun tune, and Mother Russia is a hard hitting epic in vein of many of the tales Maiden likes to discuss in they're lyrics. In other words, Maiden is the best. They don't put out garbage. Nor do they even settle for Mediocre. I didn't care for the last album as much as others, but does it suck? Hell no. Different World is such a jam, as are some other tracks of the album.
Onto the new album
Iron Maiden-The Final Frontier
Grade: 9.5/10
I have to say this is by far the most progressive album they've put out. Perhaps the closest thing that compares would be Dance of Death. Regardless, it kicks ass. The beginning is quite unique for Maiden, it has an intro! It has an eerie sort of shredding by Murray and Smith alongside McBrain's almost Neil Pert-esque prog rock drumming. There's even some quite prominent double bass work. You go Nicko. It basically puts you in the mood for time travel. Why hadn't they explored this idea sooner? Arguably they did it with Somewhere In Time, but that was more just a few songs here and there that reference various sci-fi novels.
I personally liked this album much more than A Matter of Life or Death. I feel like this album has much more substance and is in some ways a little more in the theatrical vein Maiden fans are so familiar with.
Like Dance of Death, I think this album might take a few listens for people to get really into it due to its non typical less straightforward galloping and aggression found on earlier albums.
My favorite track is probably the single, El Dorado.

For some reason I am always a little thrown off as to what singles Maiden chooses to release, but not this one. For example, Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter lacks so much compared to the rest of No Prayer. Wicker Man, off of Brave New World is in my opinion the weakest song among such a great comeback album. Don't even get me started with Run to the Hills... my LEAST favorite Maiden song, yet strangely they're biggest hit.
Other outstanding tracks on the album area Mother of Mercy, the Talisman, and lastly the sheer intensity of When the Wild Wind Blows just might make you shed a tear. Nicko McBrain commented saying that he thought When the Wild Wind Blows is just as good if not better then Hallowed Be Thy Name. Wow dude, that's bold. But hey, he isn't far off. Although I wouldn't go quite that far it is an absolutely amazing way to end an album. But then again, Maiden always saves the best for last. The album title does suggest that this MIGHT just MIGHT be the end for the worlds best band. I'm crossing my fingers that isn't the case. I still haven't seen Afraid to Shoot Strangers live and until that day I will going through life feeling unfulfilled.

THE FINAL FRONTIER, ALL KILLER NO FILLER.

Lets switch gears for a moment and talk about what I think most Maiden fans never want to talk about, the Blaze Bayley years. For those of you who don't know, Blaze Bayley replaced Bruce Dickinson after the highly acclaimed Fear of the Dark album (my all time favorite!) came out. Shit lets face it, those are some hard damned shoes to fill. How can one even come remotely close?
Well in my opinion a band has two options. One is trying to replace the singer with another that replicates the exact sound that the original was going for. Similar to what Priest did with Ripper Owens replacing Halford...which sucked (although Ripper went on to do some amazing things). OR the band could replace the singer with an entirely different style all together and go for something different. An example of this would be like Dio's (RIP DUDE!!!) awesome contribution to a pretty stagnant Black Sabbath after Ozzy left. Dio completely reinvented Sabbath and arguably made some of the best material the band had put out since the first few albums.
Maiden on the other hand did something very strange. They picked a dude, Blaze Bayley, with almost no vocal range and to put it bluntly...almost no vocal talent. He just sounds, brutish and winded. He also looked like a half assed balding Danzig. Cool chops dude?
However, in my opinion it is in these years that Maiden wrote some of the most heartfelt dark and gut wrenching songs. Apparently X Factor was written while Harris was going through a pretty excruciating divorce and almost lost custody of his kids during this time. Virtual XI talks about struggles with drug addiction, something that has NEVER surfaced in lyrics of Maiden until that point. Not only that, but the musicianship was top notch(big surprise?). It was as if, all the anger of losing Dickinson and family/band turmoils was taken out on the music forcing a unique and special Maiden sound that we really haven't heard since Bayley's departure.
Songs like Sign of the Cross deal openly with losing religion and faith in humanity.

Or even The Clansman, which is more in traditional vein for the band. It is in my opinion one of the best songs ever written. I will NEVER forget seeing this song played live and it hands down stood out above any other song they played. A real headbanger.

Blaze is obviously no Bruce. In fact the two names really shouldn't even be used in the same sentence together. It's obvious who's better. Strangely enough though, Bayley grew on me. I learned to accept those albums for what they were. Dark, troubled, slower, but still Maiden. And although they're different, and there is no Bruce, the passion and excitement of old Maiden is still there. I'd even go as far as to say I prefer Bayley singing SOME of those songs like Clansman over Bruce. Not sure why, pretty blasphemous to say...but whatever. I guess all I'm trying to say is Bayley isn't as bad as people might make him out to be. Sure its odd why Maiden didn't pick someone like a Halford or a Dio, but fuck it...whats done is done. And now Bruce is back. And better than ever.

Whats better then some of the most ass kicking Maiden jams from X Factor and Virtual XI Bayley days? Well...
Bruce singing them of course!

Up the Fucking IRONS!
-Emperor Vampirion

jESUS cHRIST

2010-08-24T20:45:00.001-07:00

Its sweeping the nation

But I still won't drink it.
-Emperor Vampirion

theres nothing more metal than woodpeckers

2010-08-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

Check out this nifty tour blog/diary video Misery Index put together for their Traitors 09' tour.

Can't wait to see them in SF on tour w/ Despised Icon (last tour!)

On a completely different note, my room mates are playing a Battlestar Galactica board game again, right outside my room. Kill me now.
-Emperor Vampirion

Why San Diego rules...

2010-08-21T00:43:00.000-07:00

Badass San Diego Death Metal is alive and well..
Cephalotripsy

Disgorge (RIP Ben)

Condemned

Pathology

Cattle Decapitation

Divaricate

Gore bless America.
-Emperor Vampirion

killing can be awesome

2010-08-20T00:33:00.000-07:00

Everytime I watch a horror movies I just want to see more. More blood, more guts, more fun.
Well youtube answers all those problems. Here ya go.
Michael Myers Kills

Jason Vorhee's Kills

Leather Face Kills

Freddy Kills

Freddy Kills pt 2

Predator Kills (yeah yeah, its not a horror movie, so what?)

oh yeah, and why doesn't anyone ever talk about this movie? Creepy ass monster. I love pumpkinhead.

-Emperor Vampirion

Ruby Tuesday's

2010-08-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

Now see, only the east coast could spawn something this bad

Makh Daniels

2010-08-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

Makh Daniels of the SF Bay Area band Early Graves past away the morning of August 2nd in a van accident as the band was traveling from Eugene Oregon to Reno while on tour promoting their album "Goner". Our thoughts are with the friends, family and fellow band members who are suffering through this difficult time.

full story below.

http://www.noisecreep.com/2010/08/02/early-graves-frontman-killed-in-van-accident/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+NoiseCreep+(NoiseCreep.com)

-Gordon Gekkoh

Shithead Sundays

2010-08-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

I've been drinking too much lately and putting my weiner in things I shouldn't. When I pull it together I'll sit down and actually contribute something to this beautiful blog. Until then you're stuck with my bullshit minute and a half long random movie clips.

-Gavo Shithead

Being a lazy Sack-Saturdays : Film Review

2010-07-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

Film Review: Cadillac Records(2008)
Grade 8/10

Not having TV for the last 5 or 6 years is a beautiful thing. It allows me to be more productive, like.....stay on the internet all day. Really though, I hate TV with a passion. Nine times out of ten there is never anything on and even when you do surf through those zillions of digital cable channels the thing you end up watching really isn't THAT good. Its usually just a result of saying to yourself 'well its the best thing I could find'.
Well, recently I've been staying with family in the midwest, Chicago to be exact and they have every channel you could possibly (n)ever ask for. Its strange falling asleep to trivial television bullshit TV again.
While I was attempting to stare at the back of my eyelids I surfed over to a channel showing Cadillac Records (2008) with Adrien Brody and Beyonce. My Father had told me how good it was and we usually have pretty similar taste in films (minus the horror and torture porn films). Naturally I was interested in seeing it.
Another reason he was flappin' his gums about the film was because he felt some close ties to the subject matter. The film is about the start of Chess Records and the dynasty of great soul, rock, and blues Mr.Chess managed to create with all the artists. It primarily focuses around Muddy Waters, Chuck Berry, Little Walter and Etta James. It is also the story of Willie Dixon's relationship to the Chess legend as a songwriter. This is mainly why my Dad wanted to see it as he had toured with Dixon and even Little Walter through the US in the late 60's as a bass player for they're band.
I've always had an appreciation for Blues and Jazz but never really knew the hard, grueling and dirty history that went behind it bringing rock and roll into fruition.

Well this film really answers all those questions. If your even remotely interested in how rock and roll came started. My Father said it was an extremely accurate depiction of how it all happened with everything from whores, hard drugs, racism, song stealing, but most of all passion.
All performances were excellent including Beyonce who passes as not only a great singer emulating Etta James, but a great actress as well. Wow, what a great film. I loved every second of it. The end is a little over dramatic as most biographical music documentary-esque films are, but I'll let it slide because everything before it is so convincing and awesome. It was a pleasant surprise to see Mos Def in the film as Chuck Berry. But damn, the film really makes you realize how deliberately obvious white musicians including Beach Boys, Led Zepplin, and Rolling Stones ripped Waters and other artists at Chess off. Adrien Brody is good as always, but really made me think twice about his recent unusual choice to do sci-fi films. Stick with these films Brody, oh and more WW2 pieces please, like the Pianist(2002). That film kicked ass.

One thing is for sure, I'm definitely gonna have to download me some Chess records soon.

-Emperor Vampirion

Evil CD Reviews: Pathology

2010-07-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

Pathology-Legacy of the Ancients
Grade: 8/10

One of my favorite things about California is it's metal scene. Within the last few years we've been blessed with slews of great metal comming out. In particular death metal. Bands like Cattle Decapitation, Disgorge, Ghoul, Impaled, Phobia etc are among this ever growing roster. Hailing from the sunny un-frostbitten lands of San Diego California, Pathology will rip your face off!

It wasn't until recently that I was introduced to death metal's rising stars, Pathology. These dudes don't mess around. Theres no cheesy solos, no fancy interludes or overall themes. This is straight forward brutal gore death metal in vein of Haemmorage, Devourment, and maybe even some Deeds of Flesh. Its intensity is magnified by David Astor's drumming (Cattle Decapitation, Locust) and Matti Way's guttural onslaught of vocals(Disgorge, Cinerary). I was pleasantly surprised to find I actually went to high school with the guitarist. You shred Tim! I remember him being into metal but damn, this shit is so good. I'm happy for all of them of there recent signing to Victory Records. The label wasn't originally a metal label, but within the past few years they've been signing more metal-like bands that have always been (at least in my opinion) pretty sub par. Well not anymore.

I think they are making the right decision with signing a band like Pathology. A label that distributes as well as they do might just put 'real metal' in the hands of some hardcore kids or dudes that get there mom to buy em' cds at Hot Topic.

I've always been a fan of the gore/brutal death genre and I knew reading on www.blabbermouth.net a few months ago that the recent addition of brutal death metal vocalist veteran Matti Way, I instantly needed to check this out. His work in Cinerary and Disgorge were among some of the most intense vocals death metal has heard. He delivers a pretty flawless performance on this release, particularly on 'Code Injection' and 'Blood Runs'. There is numerous metalheads in the scene that claim that the sub genre of brutal death metal is just trying its hardest to emulate bands like Carcass and Cannibal Corpse. I say fuck that. Of course influences can be heard when listening to new metal bands. But it is no different than any genre. You really think we can't hear any Celtic Frost or Bathory in Dark Throne or Emperor? We can't expect all bands to come up with something as innovative as Morbid Angel in their early days or Death in theirs. So lighten up a bit and stop taking metal so seriously, its just music.

I apologize for the rant. Back to the album review. While I might not enjoy this one as much as Surgically Hacked (I liked the grittiness, and of course the album cover!) I am excited and thrilled to have downloaded the album. Let the haters hate, but you got a fan here! Great job guys, keep up the good work.
-Emperor Vampirion

Being a lazy Sack-Saturdays

2010-07-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

Flight of the Conchords Season 1 and 2
(Flute of the Commadores)

Man, I can't get enough of these Kiwi's. I really hope they are signed up for a third season. Although I have to say by the end of the second season of Flight of the Conchords was getting a little stale. The actual plots of many of the episodes was great, I just felt the new songs didn't seem as cleverly querky and funny as the first season. Needless to say I still loved season 2.

I am happy to see Jermaine Clement taking on much more full length film roles with Eagle Vs. Shark(2007) and the much anticipated remake of Dinner For Shmucks(2010). What is Brett (Brit?) doing with his career? Seeing the two of them in Tim and Eric Awesome Show was a pleasant surprise.
Heres one of my personal favorite ballads.

I'd also like to stop hearing the comparison of Tenacious D to Flight of the Conchords. Sure maybe the show owes some of its debt to the D, but lets face it the Conchords took the D's formula and polished it to perfection and put there own Kiwi twist on it. I love Jack Black and all of the Tenacious D episodes (and even the full length film) but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Brett and Jermaine have really spawned something better than the D with FOTC.

Although the show is ultimately written by the two of them, I believe it is really Murray Hewitt's performance (the band manager) that really takes the cake. I haven't seen someone with such good comedic timing since shit I don't know....a long damn time. Perhaps its just his New Zealandness that throws me off and makes it funnier?

Here is the best of Murray season 2

Oh, and we must not forget Flight of the Conchords all time best (and only) fan Mel. The worlds best stalker.

Enjoy your Saturdays people.
-Emperor Vampirion

ROCK AND ROLL RIBS!

2010-07-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

Holy shit. Drummer from Iron Maiden, Nicko McBrain has opened a rib store in Florida. If the food is anywhere near as good as Iron Maiden then its gotta be some damn orgasmic food! Its a good thing I have family in Florida.
-Emperor Vampirion

WTF Wednesdays

2010-07-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

Real life catch me if you can!

http://cbs5.com/national/Bahamas.police.teen.2.1798373.html

In true life fashion this wiley 19 year old has done something that many life long veteran criminals cant. To evade the police of many different states for two years. In doing so the "barefoot bandit" Colton Harris-Moore managed to steal several cars, boats and 5 airplanes and lead a manhunt all across the continent until finally captured in the Bahamas two weeks ago. All during his time on the run the "Barefoot Bandit" gained fame and thousands of fans who loved his ability to evade authorities. You'd think that even at the end of this whole ordeal the police offers who spent their time chasing this kid would have to deep down have a little respect for someone with such an amazing ability to stay on the run from Washington State all the way to the Bahamas.

- Gordon Gekkoh

"Here kewllll offf"

2010-07-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

We Love You Arnold.

A Half Assed Film Review

2010-07-20T23:21:00.000-07:00

You Don't Know Jack (2010)
Grade: B+

Alright, so I sat down earlier today to watch HBO's new film You Don't Know Jack (2010) starring Al Pacino, John Goodmann, and Susan Serandon. It is essentially about Dr. Kevorkian's story, or as most of us know him as "Dr. Death". Needless to say the film deals with some pretty heavy subject matter pertaining to assisting suicide, religion, medical practice, etc.

Initially I was going to a detailed review on the film.....but then I thought about it......and decided "nah screw that". The film stirs up to much emotions that impend on me expressing how I really feel about the matter...and that would be a little to much of an unbiased film review. I will say that it was good and people should see it. Pacino is good as always. More so Serandon was amazing, but I couldn't help but think of one thing.....

how hot Susan Serandon's daughter is.
She isn't in the movie, but it sparked my mind to remember my gratitude for such a good lookin' girl.

Lets just stick with talking about her rather than any sort of analytic review of the film. Its much funner, and she is extremely easy on the eyes. Serandon's daughters name is Eva Amurri. Daughter from a different Father? I don't get it, and I don't care. I remember seeing for the first time in the religious spoof comedy Saved(2004) with Maculli Culcan and Mandy Moore as the loner, rebel, goth chick. I always thought she was pretty smokin'. She struck me as kinda zoinky (zoinky-strangely attractive)...here is her then in 04'

Shes pretty alright here....more the kind of the weird cute girl next door or something. Well It had been a while since I've seen her since that film so I 'googled' her to see what shes up to now. And all I can say is WOW, she really grew up....in a big way!

Here are some more for good measure....
So I'd just like to take the time to personally thank Susan Serandon for a smokin daughter. Oh, and she totally posed as a topless stripper in an episode of Californication!

Eva Amurri - Californication HDTV 720P - The most amazing home videos are here

-Emperor Vampirion

Mixtape Mondays!

2010-07-19T15:23:00.001-07:00

In the hip-hop world these days its hard to gain hype simply off albums. With the internet being the number one tool to get your name out there the mix-tape game has taken over. Most of em are horrible, some decent but very rarely we hear one that comes completely solid. This is one of em. Mistah FAB has established himself as a top dog in the Bay rap scene. Coming up from North Oakland as a battle rapper hes transformed in to a leader in the scene. Some might say hes even making more noise than the usual Oakland names like Keak Da Sneak or Richie Rich who have been unusually silent lately. Moving on slowly from the now-extinct hyphy movement he has littered the scene with his life story through mixtapes. This being my favorite. He spits about numerous topics ranging from his childhood to how his career became what it is. Bringing in the company of Snoop Dogg, Messy Marv and Yah Boy with appearances and the beats of DJ Racks this one is for sure a banger for the car. Quality tracks being "Aint Trying to Hear It", "Been a While" and "Crack Baby Anthem".

for the free download click on the link below.

http://www.mixtapetorrent.com/dj-racks-mistah-fab-i-am-the-bridge

- Gordon Gekkoh

WTF Wednesdays

2010-07-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

History teacher/Japanese porn star Anri Suzuki is truly one of a kind. She has a doctorate in Sino-Japanese relations and wants to do her part to help deliver reparations to her Chinese students to make up for atrocities committed by the Japanese military in World War Two. How so you ask? Well by having sex with them of course. "I want to cure the wounds of China with my body, and I offer to do this by having sex with Chinese students in Japan". Now we all know (well most of us) how gnarly Japanese porn stars can be. But even this is pretty unheard of. Last I checked the Japanese did some pretty bad things to the United States during the war. A visit to some American schools might have to be her next move?

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/831224-teacher-wants-sex-with-students-to-say-sorry-for-japanese-invasion

- Gordon Gekkoh

Mixtape Mondays!

2010-07-12T17:05:00.000-07:00

For many of us city folk its sometimes hard to understand how hard it really is to come out of the central valley of California. Fresno to be exact. Rarely does the hip-hop world ever look in that direction. But slowly but surely Fashawn has risen through the ranks of the underground hip-hop community. Getting put on by fellow Fresno rapper Planet Asia in 2006 following the release of his debut mixtape "Grizzly City" when he was only 18 years old Fashawn has never failed to get noticed by others and once he started going on tour he has never looked back. Hitting the road with such well established artists like Ghostface Killah, Evidence, Mistah FAB and the Grouch the dude has brought with him much of his past which unlike most includes skateboarding. Which he has described (along with hip-hop) as his own way of escaping the streets. Never failing to represent the "F" as he calls it he delivers with sharp rhymes and flawless originality. Very different from the stuff im used to hearing.

This mixtape is his own personal tribute to Nas' album illmatic along with the help of DJ Green Lantern. Taking the beats of all the classic tracks from this hall-of-fame album and spitting like a veteran at the age of 22 i have no doubt that Fashawn has no where to go but up. Especially check his versions of "Represent", "One Time for Your Mind" and "It Aint Hard to Tell".

mixtape can be downloaded for free at MixTapeTorrent.com

- Gordon Gekkoh

Shithead Saturdays

2010-07-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Should be Spankwire Saturdays... What the fuck is submarine?

Gavo Shithead

New Movies: (FUCKINnnnnnn) Predators

2010-07-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

So I might not have a television and could be regarded as living in the stone age but shit....when big movies, especially the blockbusters, I usually know about it somehow.

Surprisingly I haven't heard jack shiz about the new Predators film. It was only by seeing another fellow facebookers post about Predators comming out that I heard the surprising news of the film.

Needless to say, I was excited. Being a longtime Predator and Alien fan anything that has to do with either of them usually excites me. I was the weird kid playing Alien and Predator on the playground while the other kids were playing with GI Joes. Hah! However like most people I was a little dissapointed with the Alien VS Predator franchise. It had some real potential. Instead of following the lovely comics put out for many years before the films were made...they chose to go an entirely different route. A fucking PG13 route, give me a break. Keep Predators 'R' ! The second film has its moments when we saw it return to a more ALIENS-esque straight gore film. Hell I even liked Predator 2 (which I know is blasphemy to most Predator fans).

Anyway back to the subject at hand. Predators, I am excited and I will tell you why. Robert Rodriguez wrote it. He also produced it. Although he didn't direct the film (some dude named Nimrod directed it. Thats a tough gig), I've been doing my homework on what Rodriguez is trying to achieve with this film. First and foremost I like how Rodriguez openly admitted that there will never be a Predator better than Shwarzenegger's original Predator story. So as a result, he knew that the best thing to do was work backwords. In other words, do an origins story.

Rodriguez films can be hit or miss for me personally. Loved Desperado, hated Planet Terror. Loved the first half of Dusk Til Dawn, hated the second half...and so on. I think with this film hes got his head on straight though. It sounds like hes like one of us, a Predator fan. Apparently he also wrote the most extravagant gore, action, crazy scenario screenplay for the film because at the time he was just keeping himself busy, obligated to write a script for the film company before he had to direct some other film after Desperado.

Long story short, hes right....there will never be a better Predator then the first one. But knowing that before you walk into the theater I think is something everyone should take as caution before seeing a sequel, or prequel I should say.
Seeing it tomorrow hopefully, crossin my fingers. Don't blow this one Rodriguez.

The redband trailer looks for some real fun, Predator fan or not. Lets just hope its nothing like Spy Kids.
All Murder, All Guts, All Fun.
-Emperor Vampirion

Wtf Wednesdays

2010-07-07T15:39:00.000-07:00

http://cbs5.com/local/bay.to.breakers.2.1791611.html

Now okay... even i can agree that the city becomes quite the disaster every year around late May thanks to the annual Bay to Breakers street race. But completely banning alcohol will cause the race to NEVER be the same. Will the race be less fun? yes. Will property owners be happier knowing that they wont have to yell at people to stop pissing on their doorstep? yes. Its a tough call but i say keep the race the way it is. High pressure water hoses can solve all our problems here. Who's to say how the crowd will react to this ban for next years 100th Bay to Breakers.

Badass Graphic Design

2010-07-06T17:10:00.001-07:00

http://www.mergevisual.com

This our boy Matt's graphic design website Merge Visual. Based out of Southern California hes got the style, the know-how, and the creative genius to answer all your graphic design needs! Hit him up. Steezy as hell, streets on lock. My favorite artist!!!
-Emperor Vampirion

Tattoo Shop Review: Berkeley

2010-07-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

Industrial Tattoo
2434 Dwight Way
Berkeley, CA 94704-2311
(510) 644-0968

Yo dudeski's just thought I'd share with you one of my favorite shops in East Bay! While I haven't been to many other tattoo shops here in East Bay, I have definitely browsed artists work on their websites. When I first moved here I checked out allot of tattoo shops in the area and tried to do my best at pickin a spot I thought would be quality at the same time not too overly priced. Sure some of the best tattoo artists are up here in the bay but most of em' charge an arm and a leg for it, not to mention you gotta sign up for a long ass waiting list.

F that S, I wanted something simple and brutal. So cruised into Industrial told em' what I wanted and made an appointment for some dude only a week from when I went in. When the day came I was all ready to get tattooed, to my surprise the guy apparently "quit" that day. They reassured me it was going to be fine and they'd have some other guy tattoo me if I came in and told him what I wanted. I was a little skeptical, but really had the itch to get tattooed, so I said 'fuck it'.

When I went in they kindly pointed me to the guy who was going to tattoo me. He asked what I wanted and I just basically told him I wanted something evil and metal. At that point I was sort of regretting just going in and letting some artist I didn't even pick out to do something that would be on me for life! Thankfully he came back with a drawing and I was super impressed. He said to me, "it might be cooler if it was more evil, what do you think?"...to which I replied, "yeah dude, the more evil the better". End result....
I liked it! I've gone back for a few other things. I've looked through all the artists portfolios in the shop and I really like everything they do. Its reasonably priced too, which is always a plus.
Highly suggest them. Metal!
-Emperor Vampirion

Evil CD Reviews: Black Metal

2010-07-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

Watain-Lawless Darkness
Grade: 7.5 out of 10

Watain is a weird thing for me. I first heard about them years ago when Casus Luceri came out and like most Swedish Black Metal acts.....I was pretty uninterested. Its not that Sweden doesn't have some great BM bands, they do. Dark Funeral, Lord Belial, Marduk, Funeral Mist, etc. I suppose the timing just wasn't right or something. When it came out I was under the impression that BM had been a dying art with the slew of bands just rehashing the classic Norwegian second wave of black metal.

Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. A few months ago I was at my frequent bar, when the bartender suggested to me "you should really hear Sworn to the Dark", To which I immediately downloaded after I came home. I couldn't more thrilled I downloaded it! It reminded me of Marduk meets Dissection.

I was quite excited to hear their latest effort. While it isn't as good as Sworn to the Dark, it still has its moments. Reaping Death and Wolves Curse are among my favorites. This album really has a Dissection sound and and atmospheric feel to it, which comes as no surprise to find out that one of the members was in Dissection briefly. They seem to really capitalize on the simplicity of Black Metal's essence but fuse it with an almost Iron Maiden melodic feel as well. Its allot of fun to listen old Mayhem or Burzum and remember when BM still had its magical infancy. Not that I was necessarily a part of it, although I wish it was. None the less listening to BM in higschool with friends and getting into trouble was something I'll never forget. And listening to Watain brings me back to that time regardless of how new to the scene they are.

Judging by interviews from the band and their live show antics, these guys take this shit seriously. Although the BM persona can be comical, a little over baring, and even annoying at times.....these guys don't mess around. And I like it, and believe them. For F's sake, the lead singer taken a shower in almost 4 years, thats dedication!

All in all, albums like this one and the abundance of new creative and refreshing Black Metal bands from all over is inspiring and makes me tingle inside. As a result I have faith in the genre again and really enjoy putting an album like this one on to invoke mans deepest desire for evil!

-Emperor Vampirion

Gore flicks: Torture Porn

2010-07-04T21:58:00.001-07:00

Hostel:Part 2 Movie Review
Grade: C

Hey guys, hope everyone is having a good fourth of July. I ain't doin shit but catchin up on some horror films I bought recently. The first one I decided to watch was Hostel: Part 2. To be honest I had heard it was "better then the first one". Rarely are there sequels that top the originals, but hey....I wanted to reserve judgement until I'd seen it, instead of just completely writing it off. I was also kinda worried that Hostel was now going to become similar to the Saw franchise that just went to utter shit after the second film.

So I popped in the film, grabbed a beer, patted the couch for my dog to sit next to me and got myself ready to be the non passive viewer that we all come to expect when seeing horror films. I didn't have much hope for the film to be honest, and it was a good thing too.

This movie was a farcry from the first film. I felt like the original was good because the plot was actually somewhat plausible. Friends traveling together, get caught up in the mix, and end up in their worst nightmare. The first film built up that suspense so well with the semi-in depth character backgrounds and what not. This film gave no insight to our women, (nor did it have those beautiful european chicks from the last one!!! jesus those girls were hot)
Similarly, the first film tended to get down to it with the violence. This film was far from how violent the original was, and it left me pretty pissed. This is afterall a torture porn film isn't it?
I was mad because I really didn't care about how part 2 focused on the sadistik millionaires. It had potential to become a cool plot device but just....didn't work.

Even the ending was pretty fuckin weak. Are we really suppose to believe that she was allowed to buy herself out? Cmon Eli, you could of been a little more creative then that. The final girls revenge against the Slavakian chick even sucked....just a mere decapitation? Why not string her up gut her, light her on fire, and THEN cut her head off. That would be a little more suitable given that the woman sold you off to have wackjobs get off to torturing you. Shit, thats what I woulda done anyway.

The most gruesome scene in the film is when our final girl cuts off the dudes penis. Which is precisely how I felt after the film was over. castrated!!!
Stick to being the Bear Jew Eli.
-Emperor Vampirion

Coffee and Anger!

2010-07-04T04:01:00.000-07:00

fuck what ya heard!